“The Gang Solves the Iron Bank Crisis”


Tyrion Lannister is a no-nonsense businessman but his children have a lot to learn. You can see the frustration on his face before he even speaks.

“Lavish parties and tournaments cost money children. I’m not going to bail you out this time I have enough problems of my own. I wrapped up all my money in that fool Robert Baratheon and now the Iron Bank is Breathing down our necks.  A Lannister always pays his debts but I told you to knock off the shenanigans so this debt is yours. I’m Out.”

“Dammit dad, I knew you would screw us on this. Fine go hide we’ll handle it ourselves,” Tyrion yelled as his father  walked out of the room without looking back.

Jamie who had been quiet for the entire reaming finally spoke up, “Exactly how are we going to fix this?”

“We’ll think of something.”

“We? I’m just the bodyguard, you’re the brains. Mister I drink and I know things.”

“Jamie you’re a genius. Drinks! What is the one thing that the people of flea bottom want but they can’t afford?”


“No, ale and wine. They beg for food in the streets all day and save their pennies for bread but if we could get them to buy booze from us we could make a fortune. They have crappy lives and would be tripping over each other to come get wasted and forget their troubles.”

“Great idea brother but how do they buy said ale when they have no money? If they had money why would they buy from us? They hate us and blame us for all their problems.”

“We’ll make some coins with my face on them from metal and distribute them amongst the towns people. Then they can only come to us.”

“That might be crazy enough to work but why would we use your mangled face? My face is chiseled by the god’s themselves and well you Tyrion, you are a pit of despair. You repulse everyone.”

“You are not the hottest guy in the kingdom anymore buddy. There are two sides on each coin, one for each of us.”

Jamie and Tyrion went down to flea bottom with their new currency very pleased with themselves.

“It’s your lucky day peasants,” shouted Jamie as he started throwing coins into the air.

All of the peasants in flea bottom swarmed the streets. They fought each other tooth and nail for those coins while the Lannister brothers sat on their ale barrels handing out drinks to the victors. After all the ale was gone and the wine was poured Jamie and Tyrion headed back to the RedKeep with sacks full of coins feeling accomplished. Halfway up the hill the reality set in.

“Tyrion exactly how do we turn these into gold for the Iron Bank?  How does a self-sustaining economy work?”

“I don’t know, I thought you had that figured out.”

“Me! No way man I was following your lead.”

“Oh no, you were following my lead. Dude I was in a full blackout.”

They realized that they were screwed and headed back into the small council room with their tails between their legs. They weren’t there long before Tywin busted in.

“I got news bitches. I’m getting a bale out. You know how we ditched that Sansa Stark girl, well I got another match for Joffrey. Margery Tyrell and her family is rich as shit. I’m back baby.”

“Dad so you gonna bail us out too,” Jamie asked with hope in eyes.

“You know it. Let’s go plan a tournament to honor the new arrangement.”





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